Black and white thinking and its impact

When your glass is always either half empty or half full, there are only good or evil characters around you, and you yourself are from time to time a bad or a good person. The world looks like this through the eyes of a person with black and white thinking. “If you are not with us, you are against us,” “there are two opinions in the world: mine and the wrong one,” “now or never”-there are no intermediate values.

Often, a polarized perception of the world not only complicates relationships with others, but also with oneself. Polar thinking does not give you the right to make a mistake. After all, if I don’t live up to my ideals, then I am bad. If I fail at a task, I am a failure. If my boyfriend dumped me, then I am not worthy of love. If I was told “no,” then no one needs me. A person with black-and-white thinking is psychologically vulnerable, as if his or her skin has been stripped off – the slightest touch throws you into the abyss of self-abasement, sweeps away your defenses.

Like many other mental processes, the foundations of our self-image are formed in childhood. In fact, the ability to divide the world into good and bad is an important stage in the process of human development, one of the first steps towards mastering social norms and rules, and understanding one’s attitude towards others. It corresponds to the age of 3-4 years. It’s not for nothing that fairy tales traditionally divide the world into black and white. If this stage of development goes well, the child does not experience psychological trauma, the parents continue to be accepting, attentive and, most importantly, present in the child’s life, and the three-year-old continues to develop further. If not, then emotional development freezes at about the age of three, accompanied by the destruction of self-esteem and the inability to build close relationships with others.

How to deal with polarization? Keep track of your thoughts and feelings, and start to slowly turn the black and white spectrum into shades of gray. First, at least two or three, and then all fifty. You can literally draw a scale between the poles. Personally, I like to use the 100-point scale, but it’s easier to start with at least a 5-point scale. Yes, you didn’t pass the interview, but does that really mean you’re incompetent? Where do you really stand on the scale from 0 (I am completely incompetent in this matter) to 5 (I am completely competent)? How many people in your profession know what you know? How many of them have knowledge that you don’t? This simple exercise will help you stretch the spectrum into shades. If you find it difficult to do it yourself, you can ask a friend, or even better, your therapist, to help you.